Saying Goodbye
by EdwardsLily
Summary: Oneshot: Jacob didn't go get Charlie, in Breaking Dawn, and the Cullens had to hold a funeral for Bella. How did the people of Forks respond? Bella's friends and family gather around her to say goodbye.
1. Chapter 1

**I reread Breaking Dawn recently, and tried to imagine the pain of the funeral that would have taken place if Bella had had to feign her death. I'm not sure I portrayed it properly, but I did the best I could. I was crying while I wrote it, if that helps. Raw emotion is good, right?**

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I clutched at Edward's arm, balking at the coffin in front of me. "I can't do this," I said shrilly, looking at the silky white lining of the mahogany box. "God, Edward. I can't do this."

Alice sauntered to my side and tweaked the collar of my blouse over my sweater. "Sure you can. It won't be that bad, I promise. It's the only way, too."

Jacob cleared his throat. I glanced wildly towards where he stood in the back of the room, Renesmee in his arms. He didn't approve of this idea. I'd been willing to go along with it, until now. But he didn't say anything, no matter how imploringly I looked at him.

I turned to Carlisle instead. "Can't you tell Charlie it was a mistake? That kind of thing happens all the time, right?"

Esme pulled me into her arms. "Bella, sweetheart, it isn't that easy. It's too late for that. Charlie and Renée need their chance to say goodbye, and this is really the best way. It'll be over soon, don't worry."

With her arm around my shaking shoulder, I walked over towards the coffin. Funny, how I should end up pretending to sleep in a coffin within my first week of being a vampire. I didn't think any of my other family members had done the same. I climbed into the wooden box with a heavy heart.

"Lay back, Bella," Alice instructed, coming over to pose me. "That's right." She took my hands and folded them on my stomach, making me hold a bouquet of freesia. She smoothed out my already flawless hair.

I heard Edward catch his breath, and Jasper looked at him with worried eyes. I looked at him questioningly. "That's… something I swore to myself I would never have to see," he explained sheepishly. "I cannot bear the thought of seeing you dead, even if it's only pretend."

My eyes pricked like I was going to cry, but of course I had no tears. Instead, I took a deep, steadying breath. "Edward, please. Just let me not do this. Make it close-coffined, or something. Let's run away. Let's not be here. We can skip the funeral. We can both die."

He straightened the cuffs of his jacket, shaking his head. "No, Bella. We can't." He wore all black today, a mourning tuxedo. He looked stunning. The contrast of the black against his pale skin made me feel like swooning. "We have to get through this. It's only a few hours, and then we can close the casket for the funeral."

The thought of lying here while people cried over my "dead body" did not appeal to me.

"Momma!" Renesmee said clearly. Jacob carried her over to me, and she touched my face. I read confusion in her thoughts as she replayed an image of me lying in the casket, looking for all normal purposes like I was dead.

"It's just pretend, baby." I wanted to reach out to her, to hold her to me as a form of comfort. But I couldn't really have a child splayed across me.

Emmett walked in, somber in an outfit that matched Edward's. "It's time," he announced gravely. Rosalie traipsed in behind him. Her heels were daggers on the floor, and the swishing of her beaded black skirt sounded like silk. She looked beautiful.

I started to hyperventilate. I was probably the only vampire ever to have done so.

"I'm gonna take off," Jacob said huskily, tightening his grip on Renesmee. Renesmee couldn't be there at the wake or at the funeral. It wouldn't make sense for a baby to come out of nowhere. "I'll be right back, Bells."

My throat closed around a scream as I heard the sound of tires in the Cullens' driveway. I recognized the tires – Charlie's Cruiser. I heard the beating of three hearts, and low voices.

"Now, Bella," Alice hissed, as the rest of my family started towards the door. I lay back all the way and stopped breathing, glad not to have to smell the blood. As I composed my face into the serene mask I knew I would be able to hold indefinitely, Alice smoothed my hair one last time.

The door opened.

Two men and one woman walked in. I could tell the woman wore heels – only one inch high, though. They were the type of heels I'd favored as a human, and the type of heels that I knew Renée wore to compensate for her balance problems. Both the men wore clomping dress shoes.

"Welcome, Renée, Phil, Charlie," Carlisle said somberly.

I heard the rustling of cotton, and the sound of men clapping each other on the back in an awkward guy hug. I imagined Renée throwing her arms around Esme, who said, "I'm so sorry, Renée. Really, I am."

Renée sniffled. "How are you all… coping? Edward?" My heart contracted painfully. I hadn't heard my mother's voice in so long, and now she sounded so sad.

"It's very hard on all of us." Edward, the perfect actor, found the perfect level of repressed pain to convey. I tensed at how dead his angel's voice sounded. The last time I'd heard him sound like this was when he left me. "We're all going to miss Bella very, very much."

Emmett asked quietly if he could take coats, and more fabric rustled. Then Emmett began his way upstairs.

"Thank you all for hosting," Phil said quietly.

"It's nothing," Carlisle assured him. "It's the least we can do. Part of me feels personally responsible for not looking into the right kinds of vaccinations before the honeymoon."

"It isn't anyone's fault," Renée murmured.

Charlie cleared his throat, and I heard that his voice was thick with tears when he said, "Where's Bella?"

"This way, Charlie," Alice said angelically. I heard five pairs of feet shuffle closer to me – Charlie, Renée, Phil, Alice, and Carlisle.

I concentrated on keeping my tense muscles relaxed. _Now is not the time to run,_ I told my instincts. _Don't move._

Renée gasped and ran over to me, falling to her knees beside the casket that stood in the middle of the Cullens' huge front room. She started to sob, her hand reaching for mine. The warmth of her fingers on my cold skin was almost too much to bear. I felt the blood pulsing through the thin membrane that separated me from it. I wanted it badly.

Charlie knelt, too, stroking my hair. I froze as his hand brushed my face, so close to my lips. "Bella," he whispered, choked with tears.

Someone patted Renée's shoulder – Phil, I imagined.

Alice touched my face lightly, too, her fingers pressing to my lips in what felt like a warning. The door opened again, and Edward greeted Angela and Ben in a dead voice. They loitered in the doorway for a few minutes, talking inanely about the how sad they were, until Renée and Charlie stood. Then Angela and Ben filed over towards me.

I barely noticed when more and more people filed in through the door, distracted by the sounds of my parents repressing sobs and putting on brave faces for the guests. I couldn't bear the thought of causing them so much pain. My heart hurt almost as much as it did when the venom coursed through me, but this time the fire wasn't poison. It was tears, going straight to my heart.

A minister walked through the constantly swinging door, and I resigned myself to listening to this for hours. Phil asked Renée if she was doing okay. Jacob clapped Charlie on the shoulder and whispered about how beautiful I looked, even in death. My eyes stung again.

After some twenty minutes, I wondered if I dared risk cracking my eyes open slightly. I could manage it – no one would see. I knew that. At that point, I knew my powers. My eyes fluttered open one thirty second of an inch, and lighted on Renée.

She looked horrible. She wore a simple black dress and wrap, and clung to Phil like a lifeline. Her eyes were red and puffy, and kept darting back to me. I saw the pain in them, though they were dry now. Phil stood by her side steadfastly, his arm protectively around her shoulder, looking straight ahead.

Charlie was all alone, though Billy sat next to him in his chair. My dad looked so lost – like he'd lost a bit more hair, maybe some weight, too. It was like the grief had completely taken over his body. He stared at me hard, his jaw set. I recognized the wide tie he wore, and the bulging jacket. He'd worn the same thing to Harry's wedding.

Carlisle and Esme stood right after Charlie. Carlisle had his arm around Esme's waist, and she rested her head on his shoulder, her curls spilling into her face and down the front of his coat. They both gave the necessary strained smiles and whispered thank yous to the people who filed past. The rest of my siblings roamed the crowd.

Then I saw my angel's face.

Using my peripheral vision, I saw Edward, standing on the other side of the casket, by my head. His hand rested on one of the golden bars that the pallbearers would later use to lift me. His knuckles were whiter than normal, and I could see the restraint it took him not to snap the bar in two. His face… If my heart hadn't been broken before, it was in pieces now.

I saw the pain of death written clearly over his perfect features. His mouth and jaw were tight, holding back the tears that would never fall. His eyes were glazed, unfocused, staring out across the room in search for an escape. I knew what Edward looked like when he was in pain but this was more intense than I'd ever seen, worse than when he writhed under Jane's torture, worse than when he'd left me.

Jasper stood by his side, his hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him, I could tell. They made a perfect picture – too perfect. This felt too real. This was more than an act, more than anything imaginary. This _was_ real.

I couldn't cause my Edward pain, I couldn't stand to watch Charlie, Renée, and Phil so sad. But Edward. He was the worst of all.

A burning drop of water fell onto my face, and I saw Angela right beside me, biting her lip, her eyes puffy, her nose red. Ben had his arm around her consolingly, his face closed and tight.

"Bella," she whispered. "Bella, I'm so sorry." Like Renée, she took my hand, squeezed it. Her eyes tightened at the coldness of my skin, and I concentrated on not noticing the chill of her skin.

"It isn't your fault, Ange," Ben whispered in her ear.

She sniffled. "She looks so beautiful, so happy. I can't believe she's gone."

His arm tightened around her. "She's not really gone. She's still right here." He put a hand over her heart, and she pressed her hand on top of his, squeezing it.

All the people I would miss – I hadn't really given much thought to how much they would miss me. I'd never seen Angela look so sad, so lost. I couldn't believe I was gone, either.

I let my eyes wander, and I saw Mike and Jessica, standing arm-in-arm. Dr. Gerandy, from the hospital, sat in one of the folding chairs Alice and Emmett set up earlier that day, his wife by his side. Mrs. Cope chatted idly with Mr. Banner. Quill, Embry, and Sam stood in a solemn line against the back wall. Quill noticed my gaze, and winked swiftly. Sue and Leah Clearwater were there, too, begrudgingly. I could tell they were only there for Jacob.

Rosalie took her turn to come kneel at my side. In a whisper so low and fast that none of the humans could hear, she said, "Bella, the minister is almost ready to close your casket. As soon as they take you out into the limousine, you can get out. Carlisle will be driving, so you won't have a problem with getting away. You can come to the gravesite, if you want, and watch from a distance. But if you want to go find Renesmee, she's at your house. Edward will be home soon." She bent her head, her golden curls falling around her face. In a higher whisper, she said, "Goodbye, Bella. I'm so, so sorry."

The minister stepped forward as soon as Rosalie stood, and the room fell silent.

"Friends," he said, clearing his throat. "We're here today to celebrate the life of Bella Swan Cullen, who passed away this Sunday. I'm sure there will be more speeches given later, but I'd like to take a moment right now to pause and reflect on her death. What will it mean to you, to have Bella gone? She was a remarkable young woman, who touched the lives of many. And she died too soon..

"The time has come to say goodbye, so I'd like to read a little prayer before we close the casket on her. If you could all join me." He said a quick, jumbled prayer, and cleared his throat. "If you 'd like to get in your cars and start forming the funeral procession, we'll be leaving shortly."

Most of my friends and acquaintances left the room, but the Cullens, my parents, Jacob, and Edward stayed behind with the minister.

They all knelt in front of me one last time.

"I love you, Bella," Renée whispered. "You'll always be my baby girl. I miss you so much already." She kissed my temple, her wet eyelashes brushing my face. Then she straightened, tucking a card under the freesia in my hands.

Phil touched my forehead. "We'll miss you a lot, Bells. Think of us, wherever you are up there."

Jacob took my hand, looked down into my face. "Bells," he sighed. "I'm sorry you didn't make the right choice, but I hope wherever you are up there, you're happy. I've forgiven you. And life won't be nearly as much fun down here without you." He bit his lip, his face contorted with pain.

Alice and Jasper stood side by side in front of me for a moment, holding hands and staring down at me. Then Rosalie kissed my forehead, and Emmett sniggered. "See you soon, little sister," he said quietly.

Charlie gripped my hand tightly, squeezing onto my cold, dead fingers like they were the last things he had in the world. "Bells, I'm going to miss you so much. I'm so glad you came to live with me. It was the best thing that ever happened. And we're all real sad, but I hope you're thinking about us. And know how much we love you, always. I'm just sorry we didn't get to say goodbye."

Finally, Edward stood at my side staring at me with the same pained expression. He stood there silently for thirty seconds, soaking in every last detail of my face. "Bella," he breathed. Carlisle and Esme came to stand with him, one on each side. They wrapped their arms around him and he broke down, his face contorting. He turned around, and they held him up as he cried broken, tearless sobs.

I just couldn't take another minute of this. Each of them stared at my face, memorizing it one final time. Renée, Phil, and Charlie especially. I hated the pain I was causing them, hated to see them so lost. Renée slipped her free arm around Charlie and they formed a huddle, very much like how Esme and Carlisle held Edward up. The rest of my siblings and Jacob converged in a blob, arms and hands intertwined. I was happy to see Jacob included.

The last thing I saw, before the minister closed the lid on me, was that frozen image of them all, supporting each other, holding each other. I knew everything would be okay. I soaked their faces in, too, hearing their quiet voices for the last time. Then everything was dark.

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**Condolences can be sent to the Cullen family via EdwardsLily in the form of reviews and tissue boxes.**


	2. Deepest Apologies

I never thought I would write one of these before. Authors notes always annoy the hell out of me – because with an author's note, you get all this anticipation and then nothing comes of it.

And here I am, being a hypocrite.

However, I value your feedback.

I got more reviews on this in one day than I have on some of my other stories, which I take as a very good sign. I'm touched, and honestly slightly overwhelmed. When I logged into my email, I had 20 new messages – many alerts, and many, many reviews. But most of the reviews asked for a new chapter.

I toyed with the idea for a very long time. I thought, maybe I'll do a shot of the grave ceremony – BPOV – and then one of Edward – EPOV – going home to Bella, and telling her how horrid that was, consoling her that now it's all over. I thought of just one or the other – I even though of doing the grave digging EPOV and leaving it there. But now… I don't know.

I reread the story, and I think that I might go with my gut instinct. I feel like the meaning of the one-shot is to describe Bella's pain, not to revel in it. It is one thing to take a moment to appreciate what she goes through, but a different thing entirely to stretch it out meaninglessly. Not only would it make me feel like I am greedy for reviews and just am adding on because I want more, but I think the poignancy of the story may be lost. I'm toying now with the idea of a short – very, very short – epilogue. But I'm just not sure.

As my readers, I value your opinions as well. Considering what I have said, how do you feel? Do you really want to keep listening to Bella's pity party? I can always write more angsty fics, and this doesn't have to keep going forever. But if you really, really want more of this (even more than a 500-1000 word epilogue), then please tell me. I'm not feeling it, but I can always try.

I put up a poll on my profile. I'll leave it up until Friday.

Thanks again to all of you for reading and reviewing. It really meant a lot to me, and really made my day.

~Lily


	3. Forever

**Don't shoot me. I know that more of you voted for a whole new chapter. But I read some of your comments, I talked to my inner writer (hah, what a laugh). And I know this is how it's meant to be.**

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**As soon as Charlie left the banquet hall – Renée and Phil having had to leave the luncheon early to catch their plane, I bolted. I didn't bother driving home. I ran. The need to see my Bella safe, happy, _alive_ overpowered everything else.

I could hear her inside as I neared our house. From the sound of the minute creaks of the floorboards, she sat in the rocking chair. I heard her humming. To Renesmee. I started to run faster, knowing that she was only a mile and a half away from me, so close to where I could touch her, see her, hear her voice and know she was _real_.

She was already waiting for me when I burst in through the door. Renesmee was in her room, mercifully. All we needed was alone time.

I took the briefest of moments to soak her in – the richness of her chocolate brown curls, the dying red in her beautiful eyes, the newly enhanced curves of her torso and hips, the smooth, pale quality of her skin. But the moment didn't last long. I pulled her into my arms and crushed my lips against hers roughly, thanking God that she wasn't so breakable, that I could kiss her as fiercely as I wanted.

Her hands lingered in my hair, on my collar for a moment, her kiss curious and questioning. I merely clutched her tighter, weaving my fingers into her long, silky hair, tracing her full, lower lip with my tongue.

That got her to respond.

Bella wrapped her legs around my waist, running her hands through my hair as she kissed me back. I could feel the joy in every line of her body, but I could also feel her sadness as she melted into my chest. She didn't need me to let her know how panicked I was. She needed me to comfort her. She'd just said goodbye to her family.

I felt horrible.

Kissing her more softly, now, I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her snugly as far into my chest as I could. She pulled her head away and laid it on my shoulder. I kissed her forehead, the lids of her closed eyes, the contours of her cheeks. She pressed her lips to my neck and sighed contentedly.

"My Bella."

"Edward." My name was little more than a quiet moan, a soft sigh. It made me shiver.

"Bella," I said again, my lips at her ear. "Do you have _any_ idea how hard that was for me to watch, today?"

"Edward, shh." She pressed her hand to my mouth, raising her head to look me in the eye. "I don't really want to hear that. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to _go through_ today? I was there. I saw you." She laced her arms behind my neck. "I never want to put you through that kind of pain again."

"Bella, how can you be so selfless? This shouldn't be about me. It's about you. Saying goodbye. To Charlie, and to Renée, and to Phil…"

Her face crumpled, and I knew she would be crying if she could. "Edward, please. I don't need to hear that right now. I just need to be with you."

I kissed her lips softly once, twice, three times. She leaned her forehead against mine, her lips trembling, her eyes glassy with tears she will never shed.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I know," she whispered back. "That's how I'm making it through this."

I rubbed her back soothingly. "Bella, it'll all be okay. I'm here. I just… never want to subject either of us to this again." The image of her lying there, still, cold, as if dead, will be permanently imprinted on my brain. No matter how hard I try to avoid it, that's what will haunt me when I close my eyes.

"Hush, silly. Don't talk." She brought her face closer to mine, until I could taste her sweet breath on my tongue. "That's something neither of us will have to go through. Ever."

How was it that she was the one comforting me? This beautiful creature would never fail to amaze me.

I didn't bother to try to clear my head of the fog and confusion brought by our proximity. Instead, I kiss her forehead softly. "Thank you, my love."

"Any time." She smiled, and though her eyes were still sad, I could see the resolution in them. "Think about it, Edward. This is the freest we've ever been to be you and me. No boundaries, no restrictions, no expectations to meet. Now it's just the two of us."

"Forever," I added, struggling to remain coherent. All I saw were her perfect lips, so sweetly smiling at me.

"Yes." And then she pressed her lips to mine and kissed me again.

I tightened my arms around Bella, and everything hit me at once. Everything we'd gone through to get here. And now, like she said, there was nothing holding us back anymore. Now we could truly be us. No matter what the obstacle, she would help me overcome it. No matter how hard the pain, she would help me get through it. And now I could truly be there for her, be everything she needed me to be.

Steadfastly by her side, I knew that I could do great things. With her, I was everything. She was my other piece of eternity.

And now what we had could last. Forever.

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**So maybe it's not perfect. Maybe it's the result of me writing at 2:15 am and being exhausted. But maybe my braindead mind managed to churn out something meaningful. This is all about Edward. And Bella. And they will last.**

**I'm sorry if it's not exactly like how you imagined it, but this is best. This is how this has to end. ****And if I could go back, I don't think I'd change a thing.**

**Thank you all for reading. Your comments are still appreciated. I hope that you check out my other stuff. And feel free to PM me with suggestsions. I'm always open to new ideas. I'm looking to pursue new angsty themes, but who knows? And I'm going to continue on Angel, which I hope you've read.**

**Who knows? We'll see.**

**Thank you, again.**

**~Lily  
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